There are women among us that are so in tune with their bodies they know the EXACT date and time of when their eggs get fertilized. I swear. They can sense the event, visualize it, and something just clicks. I know what you’re thinking… It’s impossible, it’s extremely rare, WTH how dare they! My bad. It’s real. Now erase it from your memory…
As the unspoken save money and our environment not buying triple packs of overpriced pieces of plastic, the unlucky rest of us enter uncharted territory where sanity quickly decreases and time stays still: the dreaded Post Ovulation Limbo.
The GOOD news is there certainly are early pregnancy signs to watch for during the rotten two-week waiting game.
The BAD news is that many of them mirror PMS.
We just can’t win.
But let’s say you REALLY want to know…
…What’s a maybe pregnant woman to do?!?
Before you splurge on a pregnancy test and promise to wait until a few days later and end up peeing on it in the store’s restroom, feel free to (over)analyze these usual and unusual
EARLY PREGNANCY SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS:
- A stranger pauses to stare at
the inner light your aura suddenly emanatesyou. In the course of the day you notice more random people gazing at you. If you’re fully dressed and don’t have any extreme abnormalities, you may just be pregnant.
- With a jealous grin, a friend of yours comments on your beautiful complexion and asks for the brand of skin care you use. OR;
- You break out in acne. Still glowing, sister, even with the oil slick on your forehead… I promise.
- The normally lovely smell of morning coffee turns your stomach.
- So you grab a pickle, a pack of sardines and a raw onion instead on the way out.
- You may want to sucker punch Aunt Flo for her visit. But it’s mild and brief…? Hello implantation bleeding.
- As you scold your lazy ovaries, the good old friend yeast infection rushes to your side to replace your sadness with an itch.
- Location, location, location! You know exactly where the restrooms are and wonder if the annoying sudden excessive need to pee is a possible side effect of the bout of food poisoning you’re getting over.
- Your boobs feel like they’ve been attacked. While you’re sore and miserable, they may just be internally high-fiving one another and broadcasting “Wake up, wake up!!! This is NOT a drill! Get to work! This is what we’ve been waiting for all this time! Woo hoo!!!”
- You Google: AM I PREGNANT?????
- Right after you’ve Googled “EARLY SIGNS OF PREGNANCY.” About a hundred times in the past hour.
- You may develop a carpal tunnel syndrome as a result of your sudden virtual-world dependency. Google it. No seriously. Go ahead.
- Google becomes your new best friend. All of these odd pains, sensations, and strange twitches you’ve been feeling are either very bad news, or very good news. Google knows.
- You cry when you watch the news.
- You cry during commercials.
- You cry because the commercials are over.
- Overall, you don’t feel like yourself.
- You’re so content you want to punch someone.
- You want to stab your partner for not hugging you at the right time which was exactly 5 seconds ago.
- Um, cervical mucus. Lots of it. I know…
- The sudden fatigue is overwhelming. You’re not just tired. You feel really, really, r e a l l y drained.
- And what’s up with the strange dreams?
- You sweat. A lot. While standing outside in -20F with your shirt on, you watch your pit stains grow.
- You gag every time you try to brush the strange metallic taste out of your mouth.
- Your clothes may have shrunk. Your shoes, too. Someone is seriously messing with you.
- You may feel a sudden urge to spit. This is great news unless it’s rabies.
- Are your pets acting weird around you and YOU only?
- Google diagnoses the burning pain behind your breastbone as heartburn. You know what’s one way to eliminate heartburn? Not to be pregnant.
- Your cervix is SHOW. Soft, high, open and wet. Ewww, gross? Sure. Now go ahead and try.
- YOU JUST KNOW.
Did you experience something during your pregnancy that’s not on the list? Please DO share!