Homeschool vs. Public School Socialization

If only I had a dollar for every time somebody had asked me, “But what about socialization?!?” Strangely, no one ever seems to worry about the quality of education my kids are (or aren’t) getting at home, but homeschool socialization is brought up A LOT. I’m almost beginning to think that people don’t send their kids to school to learn but to socialize.

One thing is clear. The mainstream perception is that kids must attend school or else they won’t learn how to make friends and function in the society.

This goes to show just how deep social conditioning goes. Because when you really think about it, school actually seems to be more about de-socialization than socialization. Think about it…

Student socialization in schools

Let’s be honest here. What do kids hear at school on a daily basis? It’s things like:

• This conversation will have to wait until school is over.
• Do not talk during class.
• Form lines. Quietly!
• Walk slowly, no talking.
• Be quiet in the lunch room.
• Shhhhh…

None of that exactly screams socialization, does it? And it makes sense.

School = education.

The primary purpose of schools is to educate and to instill discipline, not to have students mingle and socialize. That’s why school days are managed by bells and strict schedules and students taught to move in quiet single-file lines.

If anything, the common denominator when it comes to school seems to be “silence.” Almost as if socialization was strictly prohibited. Or at least strongly discouraged?

Apparently, even school lunch is no longer an acceptable time to socialize in school, as shown by the increasingly common silent lunch policy. In addition, in many schools, students can’t freely choose who to sit next to during lunch which can make it difficult for some kids to open up if they happen to be on the more introverted end of the scale.

The only opportunity that’s left for socializing in the school day is recess. Unfortunately many schools have been forced to shorten recess to make more room for learning and to accommodate more testing. Some schools went a step further and got rid of recess altogether (despite the alarming statistics on childhood obesity and the obvious physical and psychological benefits of physical exercise). It’s also not uncommon for schools to take recess away from kids as a form of punishment.

In addition, school recess can come with so many limitations these days (such as no tag or touch football, no ball games, no fast running, no physical touching of any kind including hand holding, no group forming, etc.) that kids may have a harder time trying to connect with others over an idea or activity.

Age segregation

Age segregation may make mass education more efficient, but it hinders socialization.

Day after day, month after month, year after year, most kids at school are surrounded exclusively by other kids their own age. This is a very narrow social angle that takes away the opportunity to interact with other age groups which is reportedly a skill many kids and young adults lack these days.

Age segregation in schools is a social construct that doesn’t exist outside of the school system. When is the last time you had spent an entire month, week, or even just a day in your adult life surrounded by only a matching age group? Yet, we have somehow managed to make this artificial social bubble the holy grail of socialization. Fascinating, isn’t it?

Peer influence

If there is one kind of behavior that is modeled at school very well, it’s conformity. Peer pressure dictates everything from how to look and sound to how to act in order to be accepted by the peer circle. From an early age kids learn how to be like others, at the cost of neglecting or even never discovering what it is that makes them special.

To be fair, peer pressure isn’t limited to public and private schooling. There is a certain amount of peer pressure and the need to fit in among homeschoolers as well. But in my experience it is much less pronounced in homeschooling.

Bullying

Another big issue that is a byproduct of school socialization and age segregation is bullying. Even though the opportunities for socialization are very limited on an average school day, a lot of damage can be done in the short amount of time kids have during recess, lunch, or in between classes.

Worse yet, as a society we have started to place value on bullying instead of recognizing the lasting harmful effects it can have on a child’s mental health. Example: “How will your homeschooled child learn how to deal with bullies?” This is actually a fairly common homeschool question, believe it or not.

Are homeschoolers less socialized?

Homeschooled kids may be sheltered from the artificial social engineering of the system, but they’re not doomed to be socially inept human beings because of it.

Some children have a harder time making friends regardless of which way they’re being educated. A school institution itself doesn’t magically turn a child into a confident well-adjusted individual just like it doesn’t transform a shy child into a social butterfly. The same is true for homeschooling. We all have our own individual traits that define us, and they will shine through whether we are homeschooled or go to a public school. Out of my two kids, one is extremely social, the other highly introverted. If I were to send them to school, that part about them wouldn’t change.

Homeschool socialization is different

Most non-homeschoolers define their child’s socialization primarily as interactions with other kids of the same or similar age.

But ask a homeschooling parent what socialization means to them and you may get an entirely different perspective on the definition of socialization. For many homeschoolers, socialization is a complex thing that goes beyond a group of assigned peers. Homeschoolers tend to view socialization as interactions with all kinds of people of all kinds of ages and ethnicities in all kinds of different situations.

How do homeschoolers make friends?

Homeschooled kids learn how to make friends, how to keep friendships, and how to stand up for themselves in the same way traditionally schooled kids do outside of school (you know, when they actually have time and opportunities to socialize).

How do homeschoolers socialize?

The word “home” in homeschooling might make it seem as though homeschoolers never leave their home, but that is rarely the case. Really, the stereotype of sheltered homeschoolers locked inside their homes with the curtains drawn is so outdated.

To begin with, there is a huge difference in the way homeschoolers spend their days. Homeschooled kids aren’t confined to the classroom walls for the majority of the weekdays like their traditionally schooled peers are which gives them the freedom to actually do things. There are many different outlets that homeschoolers use to socialize. They include:

• homeschool support groups and co-ops
• classes and activities designed for homeschoolers that take place during regular school hours
• get-togethers and playdates with other homeschoolers
• museums, ZOOs, aquariums
• trips and outings
• theater performances and other shows
• volunteering
• personal hobbies
• standard after-school classes
• community events
• library offerings
• parks
• finding friends around the neighborhood
• travel

Homeschooling families have the option to participate in as many or as few activities as they choose. It is their choice, but the possibilities are there.

I’m NOT implying that all homeschooled kids live a socially rich life, but then again nor is there is a standard for what that should be. Homeschooling is a highly individual affair and just like there is no right or wrong way to homeschool, there is no right or wrong way to socialize. What’s right for one family may be an overkill for another, and that’s OK.

We can agree to disagree on homeschool socialization.

I’m not trying to convince anybody.

Still, I would argue that forced association in an artificial social bubble with minimal opportunities to interact probably isn’t the best model for well-rounded socialization, and that being part of the real world prepares kids better for living in the real world.

Actually, there is a real chance that the current institutional arrangements are at fault and are causing poor student social skills. Maybe it’s time homeschoolers started asking traditional schoolers, “Aren’t you worried about socialization?!”

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