Do you HAVE to use pull-ups to potty train your toddler?
A big fat hell to the NO!
In fact, I recommend you don’t – unless you ABSOLUTELY have to.
Because of my two popular posts about the best non-toxic diapers and best natural baby wipes that have been helping parents choose safer diapers and wipes for their babies and toddlers for years now, readers often reach out to me, asking if I have any suggestions for pull-up diapers that are made with the same standards. And while there certainly ARE safer options out there (you’ll find a list of non-toxic pull-ups here), I want to shout out from the rooftops to PLEASE FIRST RECONSIDER IF YOU EVEN *WANT* TO USE PULL-UPS!?
Why??
- Pull-ups are NOT necessary in potty training. (Obviously. People HAVE potty trained their toddlers before the ‘invention’ of training pants.) But even more importantly…
- Pull-ups can prolong potty training!!
I mean, if you insist on potty training with pull-ups, cool, but if you want your toddler to have bladder control as soon as possible, it might be best to stay away from pull-ups, that’s all I’m saying.
What makes ME the “potty training expert?” Nothing, really. I’m just a mom who has potty trained her kids without ever using a single pull-up, a mom with a strong opinion about pull-ups, so do read on if you want to know about the benefits of potty training without pull-ups.
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What is a pull-up diaper?
Just like disposable diapers, pull-ups are made with multiple layers of different materials, each serving its own unique purpose. The only difference between the two is in the design.
While regular diapers fasten at the sides, pull-ups have an elastic waist and can be easily pulled up and down, just like underwear. If a pull-up becomes heavily soiled, it is simply ripped at the waist and discarded.
The idea is that a child can use a pull-up diaper independently as they learn to use the potty, in the same manner they would use regular underwear, while still having a crutch in the absorbency a pull-up diaper provides should they have an accident.
When I talk about “pull-ups,” I’m referring to any and all disposable training pants. “Pull-Ups,” a widely used name for all slip-on diapers are actually a Huggies brand of training pants. Pampers markets their training pants as “Easy Ups,” and other diaper brands generally label their pull-on diapers as “training pants.”
When did pull-ups first come out?
The first pull-up diaper was made by Huggies and entered the U.S. market in 1989. Contrary to popular belief, the creation of an underwear-like diaper for toddlers had little to do with wanting to help parents with the potty training stage.
The concept of a pull-up diaper was a brilliant marketing move to normalize extended diaper wearing which would generate higher profits for the company. In the 1980s it became common to delay potty training based on the recommendations of a few parenting experts, and Huggies simply jumped at the opportunity and created a unique diaper for “bigger kids.”
Just for fun, do you know what the stats for toilet training were before the invention of a pull-up diaper?
In 1961, 90% of children were potty trained by age 2.5; in 1997, only 22% were. [source]
Do pull-ups hinder potty training (or help with training)?
Business bottom lines and marketing ploys aside, the fundamental question is: are pull-ups good or bad for potty training?
I’m of the opinion that using pull-ups for potty training is a bad idea.
When it comes to potty training kids with developmental difficulties, perhaps pull-ups might be the right solution, but most toddlers can be potty trained without using pull-ups, and often at a much faster rate.
Here are 3 reasons why I’m in favor of potty training without pull-ups and going from baby diapers straight to the potty:
1. Pull-ups can be confusing to a toddler.
A pull-up is a diaper in disguise. It’s made like a diaper, it feels like a diaper, the only difference is that it has an elastic waistband which allows it to slide on/off like underwear. A pull-up may seem like a big deal to a toddler at first, especially if they sense an unusually high level of excitement about this change coming from the parents, an older sibling, or another family member, but in the end it feels just the same to pee or poop into as it did in the “old” diaper.
2. It can take longer to connect the dots with pull-ups.
Pull-up diapers absorb as readily as regular diapers do, so there is no immediate feeling of wetness when a child pees. It comes down to basic science: dry pants feel nice, wet pants do not. Wet pants should gently tell a child: Whoopsies, something happened that makes me feel uncomfortable – how do I fix it to feel good again and what to do differently next time so it doesn’t happen again? Pull-ups prevent your child from having this simple action-reaction chain of thoughts.
3. Toddlers can become just as dependent on pull-ups as they were on diapers.
Any standard pull-up diaper will absorb enough liquids to keep a child relatively dry and comfortable for quite a while. When a toddler pees and can barely feel it, especially when deeply submerged in play at which point kids often blank out on most other things, where is the motivation to NOT go in a pull-up the next time around and rush to the potty instead? Your toddler may well be potty trained already – but still go in the pull-up if that option is available to them.
How fast can you potty train a toddler without pull-ups?
It depends. Potty training can take anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks or longer.
Though all kids are different, just as a reference point – it took us about a week to have our kids potty trained during the day ONCE they were ready to start training.
I can’t stress this enough – for potty training to work, your child has to be ready for potty training.
The single biggest obstacle in potty training is starting training with kids who aren’t ready yet.
Not sure if your little one is ready? See how many signs of potty training readiness your toddler shows!
Tips for successful potty training without pull-ups
Read through these potty training tips and FYIs that can make potty training without pull-ups easier:
- Let your child pick their own “big kid underwear.”
Your little one has been in diapers their whole life. Mastering bladder and bowel control is a huge step in your child’s life and probably not on their wish list. To raise the stakes of their engagement, let your kiddo choose their very own big kid underwear.
- Messes will happen. Embrace it.
Accept that quitting diapers cold turkey will get messy. Accidents are part of the potty training process, so try to stay chill about pee and poop becoming a daily part of your routine for at least the next few days. Repeat with me – IT’S ONLY TEMPORARY, IT WILL PASS.
- Keep the potty in a convenient place.
To make potty training without pull-ups as smooth as possible for both you and your kiddo, keep the potty close by. If that means putting the potty chair in the family room, kitchen, or the play room, then so be it. You’ll also want to have a potty on each floor of your house (if you use multiple designs/brands, you may find that your child shows preference for a certain type). Easy access is important.
If you don’t have a potty chair just yet, below are some of the best-rated (+ budget-friendly) options:
- Ask if they need to go – ALL. THE. TIME.
Have your toddler sit on the potty the first thing after they wake up in the morning and after a nap (during potty training, boys learn to pee sitting down, just like girls). Then, ask if they need to go – OFTEN. If your child shows signs of needing to go (like holding the crotch or squirming while playing), rush them to the potty ASAP. Loose, easy-to-remove clothing is a must for training! Give lots of praises every time you kiddo uses the potty, and introduce the habit of handwashing after using the potty.
- Reduce fluids before naps and bedtime.
What comes in, must come out. Don’t set yourself and your toddler up for failure.
- Don’t shame.
When there is an accident, remind you toddler that it’s important to use the potty to keep themselves dry and comfortable. Do your best to remain positive and encouraging, and avoid punishing or shaming your child for any accidents they might have. The worst thing you can do is to make your child feel horrible about something they really, truly had no control over. They’ll get it eventually, and it will be EPIC, mama!
- Include your toddler in clean up.
If you toddler has an accident, have them help you with clean up. They can bring their dirty clothes to the hamper or the washing machine, or help you turn the washer on. Let them see the natural consequences of what happens after they’ve had an accident. Don’t make this part too entertaining though – a string of accidents could follow just because it’s fun to do so.
- Consistency is key.
Stick with “no more diapers during the day” from now on, even in situations where it would be easier to just use a diaper. Going back and forth on diapers/underwear gives your kid mixed messages and can complicate potty training.
- Prepare for accidents in public.
While your toddler is gaining control over his bladder and bowel movements, it’s best to stay at home as much as possible and limit all outings to short periods of time. Whenever you leave the house, pack extra clothes, wipes, and a few plastic bags. (That ONE time I didn’t – for a quick trip to a home improvement store, my nearly-completely-potty-trained toddler ended up with a bout of diarrhea right at the checkout… Motherhood is the world’s toughest hazing, they say – ain’t that the truth!) Be prepared that accidents can resurface from time to time even after your little one has been completely toilet trained.
- A word on pooping in the potty…
There is definitely something about the sensation of pooping in the potty because I know most toddlers struggle with that during potty training. My kids did NOT like pooping in the potty either at first. They could do it, but I guess it was weird for them. (In our case this resolved completely within less than a month.) You’ll also want to tackle constipation before you start potty training if your little one is prone to it. Constipation goes hand-in-hand with painful bowel movements, which can lead to a refusal to use the potty.
- Keep one potty in the car.
Not only has keeping an extra potty in the car saved me from having extra loads of laundry many times when my kids just needed to go *right then and there,* some public restrooms are just gross. Especially for little kids who aren’t afraid to touch just about everything. My kids were completely potty trained shortly after turning 2, so they were still pretty little when they were out of diapers. Not having to fully rely on public places made potty training much less stressful for me.
(Find a parking spot with the option to quickly dump a peed-in potty if needed, like those grass pavers and parking lot islands. There was only one instance the car potty was pooped in as both my kids had a strong preference for pooping at home. I kept extra plastic bags in my car for any unforeseeable messy situations, so the whole potty went into a plastic bag that day and was dealt with after we got home. Gross or not, it is what it is.)
- Protect the car seat.
To keep the car seat dry in the case of an accident, line it with a disposable changing pad during the potty training stages. Keep a few extras in the car.
- Potty training & day care
If your potty training kiddo attends day care, let the teachers know you’re starting with training and that your child will be wearing underwear from now on. Supply several pairs of extra underwear, shorts/pants, socks, and an extra pair of shoes in addition to ample plastic bags and large ziplock bags. Make for smooth sailing and don’t send them in with pants that have buttons or snaps for a while.
- Daytime potty training VS. nighttime potty training
Daytime training is generally easier than nighttime training. For many kids, staying dry through the night can take a bit longer.
Nighttime potty training
For successful nighttime potty training, either your child’s bladder must be large enough to hold the urine produced throughout the night, or their brain must be mature enough to awaken the child with the urge to go. Kids who are deep sleepers will have a harder time waking up from their sleep when their bladder is full.
Poor nighttime bladder control in early childhood is quite common – about 40% of 3-year-olds and 20% of 5-year-olds are unable to stay dry throughout the night. [source: 1, 2]
Is your child ready for nighttime potty training?
- If your child consistently wakes up with a wet diaper in the morning, it’s probably best to delay nighttime potty training. Your child may just not be developmentally ready to stay dry overnight, and that’s perfectly OK.
- On the other hand, if your child has had several nights and naps with a dry diaper, it might be a good time to start nighttime training. Waking up dry is a good sign of readiness for night training.
Once your kid seems ready, it’s best not to delay nighttime training too much!
If your child ALWAYS feels dry at night due to proactive use of diapers or pull-ups, they may slip into a bit of mental laziness (even if they’re completely accident-free during the day) and may not be motivated to use the potty at night if needed. Think about it – where is the motivation for wanting to stay dry at night – when you are already dry??? The natural consequence of a wet bed and pajamas after an accident helps your child reinforce the brain-bladder connection.
Tips to speed up nighttime potty training:
- Emphasize to your child to wake you up at night if they feel like going potty and need help, or if they wet themselves.
- Use leak-proof pads to keep the mattress dry. To simplify sheet changes during the night, make the bed with several layers of sheets and waterproofing underneath. That way you can just remove one layer in the case of an accident, and underneath there will be another one ready.
- Limit fluids shortly before bedtime and during the night (make up for it during the day to prevent constipation).
- Again, consistency is crucial. Try to avoid going back and forth on diapers/no diapers at night. Give it some time. It may take a few weeks of bedwetting to accomplish staying dry at night on a consistent basis.
- Have a night light illuminate the way to the potty so that your child can get to it on their own at night if they feel like it (you’d be surprised how many times our kids used the potty at night by themselves without waking us).
- To increase the odds of dry nights, it can help to wake up your child once per night (such as when you go to bed yourself) and have them try to go potty at that time.
Also, one thing I want to mention is that bedwetting runs in families. If you or your spouse were a bed wetter yourselves, your child may be, too. Don’t hesitate to share that with your child so that he/she feels understood if they’re having a hard time staying dry at night.
Related: Best Non-Toxic Pull-Ups for Potty Training
Final words: Do pull-ups hinder potty training?
I think that routine use of pull-ups is not necessary and can prolong potty training. But it’s a personal decision.
The decision over whether to potty train without pull-ups or with pull-ups will also depend on your personal situation (are you able to stay home several days in a row and focus exclusively on potty training OR does your child attend daycare where there may not be enough reminders given?), your child’s age, readiness level, your ability to manage accidents, and also their personality.
Celebrate each and every success – playing at the park without an accident, waking up dry from a nap, a dry bed in the morning, and especially using the potty in the middle of the night – that’s a major, MAJOR accomplishment!
If you start with potty training and it’s clearly not working out and both you and your child are becoming increasingly frustrated, perhaps it is much too early. Take a step back and try again in 2-3 months. Watch for signs of readiness. It’s OK to go back to diapers after potty training as long as you don’t switch back and forth too often.
